Maybe
it’s a remnant of evilness from my skinny bitch era, (or my Pre Fattie Days as I also like to call it). Maybe it’s a
slight defense mechanism. You know, laugh at yourself before they can laugh at
you. Or maybe I just believe that a lot can be forgiven for the sake of
comedy….. I’m beginning to believe that it might be a combination of all three.
I am very sad and ashamed to confess that sometimes I still shake my head in
disbelief at other fat asses. I know. I’m a terrible person. I’ve gained
a hundred lbs in five years but I still find myself judging Ms. Porky
Cankles as she stands outside of Macy’s in her much too
tight/exposing/ill-fitting monstrosity of a shirt……………even as I sit a few yards
away in the food court, double fisting a large order of Pretzel bites and
considering my chances of renting a motorized scooter to scoot me to American
Cookies, (3 for $5! You bet your sweet
M&M-filled ass I will!)
As a former skinny bitch, (seriously
people, I looked like an effin Bobblehead!), I sometimes have the very
wrong and inaccurate view that MY fat is different from THEIR fat. I wasn't always this way so that OBVIOUSLY makes me soooo very different from Sir
Chunks-A-Lot standing over there with the Krispy Kreme box(es), (I wonder if the HOT sign is on?). For
some very illogical reason, I actually feel (*sigh*) BETTER in some way because
I lived the life of a non-fat for the majority of my life. Saddest. Shit. Ever.
I know it’s a jacked up thought process. But the chunkiness has not smothered
all of the skinny bitch inside me…..Yet. But trust me; it’s trying.
I think that laughing at fat jokes may be a defense mechanism for me too. Not
to get all Dr. Phil on you, (who, by the
by, is getting pretty chunked up as well!), but my insecurity about my
weight tends to manifest itself in a lot of seemingly inappropriate laughter
and gags regarding fatties and their fat-related issues i.e. getting in and out
of cars, eating food in public, blah blah blah, etc. I tend to make the obvious
jokes about myself, self-deprecating in a way that sometimes makes others
uncomfortable or, as I recently found, makes my loved ones angry. I find that I
make jokes and digs at myself that I believe, (incorrectly), that others are
just dying to say. Very old school arm chair psychology 101: I do and say
it first as not to give others the opportunity to hurt me. Yes, sweet cheeks. I
know. Again it’s so very sad sad SAD…..
If I am being completely honest, I have to admit that a lot of jokes get a pass
with me simply because they are funny as hell. I laugh at everything. Anything
really. Some really inappropriate and unfortunate shit that I should be, (and
am), really ashamed to admit. I like to attribute it to the fact that I don’t
take too much very seriously. The world is going to hell in a handbasket and I feel
like if I can’t or won’t laugh at the reality that my fattie has difficulty
getting in and out of my Ford Focus, (really
fat girl?!?!? You bought a Focus???), then there’s not much I will be able
to laugh at. It’s a fucked up world, loves. Gotta get my laughs where I can.
Disclaimer: I do not approve of
disrespect or hatred towards fellow fatties. I do not condone making others
feel small, belittled and inferior just because their fat disposition may rival
that of prize-winning, web-reading Babe…
……..However, a well timed, highly comedic dig/gag/joke will elicit a giggle,
(or more), from me. Sometimes bitchiness/insecurity/comedy will
win………And yes I DO know that long sessions on some therapist’s couch is in my
very near future.
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