Monday, March 16, 2015

Confession #2: I think fat jokes are funny.

Maybe it’s a remnant of evilness from my skinny bitch era, (or my Pre Fattie Days as I also like to call it). Maybe it’s a slight defense mechanism. You know, laugh at yourself before they can laugh at you. Or maybe I just believe that a lot can be forgiven for the sake of comedy….. I’m beginning to believe that it might be a combination of all three.
 
I am very sad and ashamed to confess that sometimes I still shake my head in disbelief at other fat asses. I know. I’m a terrible person. I’ve gained a hundred lbs in five years but I still find myself judging Ms. Porky Cankles as she stands outside of Macy’s in her much too tight/exposing/ill-fitting monstrosity of a shirt……………even as I sit a few yards away in the food court, double fisting a large order of Pretzel bites and considering my chances of renting a motorized scooter to scoot me to American Cookies, (3 for $5! You bet your sweet M&M-filled ass I will!)
 
As a former skinny bitch, (seriously people, I looked like an effin Bobblehead!), I sometimes have the very wrong and inaccurate view that MY fat is different from THEIR fat. I wasn't always this way so that OBVIOUSLY makes me soooo very different from Sir Chunks-A-Lot standing over there with the Krispy Kreme box(es), (I wonder if the HOT sign is on?). For some very illogical reason, I actually feel (*sigh*) BETTER in some way because I lived the life of a non-fat for the majority of my life. Saddest. Shit. Ever. I know it’s a jacked up thought process. But the chunkiness has not smothered all of the skinny bitch inside me…..Yet. But trust me; it’s trying.
 
I think that laughing at fat jokes may be a defense mechanism for me too. Not to get all Dr. Phil on you, (who, by the by, is getting pretty chunked up as well!), but my insecurity about my weight tends to manifest itself in a lot of seemingly inappropriate laughter and gags regarding fatties and their fat-related issues i.e. getting in and out of cars, eating food in public, blah blah blah, etc. I tend to make the obvious jokes about myself, self-deprecating in a way that sometimes makes others uncomfortable or, as I recently found, makes my loved ones angry. I find that I make jokes and digs at myself that I believe, (incorrectly), that others are just dying to say. Very old school arm chair psychology 101: I do and say it first as not to give others the opportunity to hurt me. Yes, sweet cheeks. I know. Again it’s so very sad sad SAD…..
 
If I am being completely honest, I have to admit that a lot of jokes get a pass with me simply because they are funny as hell. I laugh at everything. Anything really. Some really inappropriate and unfortunate shit that I should be, (and am), really ashamed to admit. I like to attribute it to the fact that I don’t take too much very seriously. The world is going to hell in a handbasket and I feel like if I can’t or won’t laugh at the reality that my fattie has difficulty getting in and out of my Ford Focus, (really fat girl?!?!? You bought a Focus???), then there’s not much I will be able to laugh at. It’s a fucked up world, loves. Gotta get my laughs where I can.
 
Disclaimer: I do not approve of disrespect or hatred towards fellow fatties. I do not condone making others feel small, belittled and inferior just because their fat disposition may rival that of prize-winning, web-reading Babe…
 
……..However, a well timed, highly comedic dig/gag/joke will elicit a giggle, (or more), from me. Sometimes bitchiness/insecurity/comedy will win………And yes I DO know that long sessions on some therapist’s couch is in my very near future.

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